NEWS

so the ever-changing life of peggy changes once again!

1st- a decision has been made. i am staying in utah for a bit. i know, i am just as surprised as you are! a few things have started brewing here (details when things are more solidified) and they keep me here. so i have also decided to bite the bullet, return to school and finish for PETE's SAKE! it's been way too long!

2nd- the best thing in my entire life has happened to me! i got a teaching job in ITALY for the summer! i'm so excited! i will be teaching english as a foreign language through the medium of the creative dramatics! can we say DREAM COME TRUE?!?

so that is all for now... big things are a changing and a moving and i am so ready for it!

ON THE RIGHT TRACK

so i have been horrible at keeping up with the in's and out's of the starving artist portion of my life. it's been a tiny bit chaotic since i moved myself from my "comfort blanket" that i like to call boston and took a pit-stop here in the good old SLC, utah.

i stopped here with only one purpose in mind and ended up with more than that- a huge blessing in disguise! most of you know from my other blog that i recently donated a kidney to my little sister- a task that the doing of was much easier than the recovering from- go figure! i'm only 3 1/2 weeks out of surgery and i suffer from a lack of patience that my body actually wants to take the 8 weeks the doctor's told me it would take for a full recovery! how annoying!

however, prior to going under the knife, i was so fortunate to land myself an internship at a local TV studio here in the valley! i became the assistant to the executive producer of a locally produced show. it was so much more than i could have ever hoped for! i got to work with clients and guests on the show and work on contests they were running and work with the sales department and management. it was a dream come true.

and the biggest part of this dream turned reality is that it truly showed me 2 things: 1) i have all the skills, talent and know-how to do this job. and 2) i am just as passionate about it as i ever was! the confidence i gained in myself is unbelievable and i am so more than ever ready to get myself out to LA and fulfill all my dreams! this experience has definitely taught me how easy it is to go after what you want and that i am not far off the right track to making everything i have wanted out of life become a reality!

how exciting is that!?!

MOVE IT AND LOSE IT

so i have begun the arduous task of packing things up, cleaning and junking superfluous things in my life. it's amazing how much STUFF one can accumulate over a 5 year period.

i am headed to my mom and dad's place in a week and half to go lounge around and soak up that warm dry-heat climate... i'm super stoked. so as not to be wasteful of good resources, i am also packing up two extra suitcases with things that can be taken via united airlines vs. spending mucho deniro shipping a gazillion boxes full of things.

basically my parents, who had already planned a trip with a few siblings and their families to Disneyland, are driving a few things out to CA for me (i LOVE them for that), since i have made the decision to sell my car and all of my belongings and just fly out there. shipping on the most important basics of my life.

today's task was to decide what goes, what stays, what gets shipped later and what gets junked! what a fun and interesting trip down memory lane as i sifted through old christmas cards, pictures, journals, notes and drawings by the many children i have come to call friends here. i was filled to the brim with nostalgia.

i was also struck by the reality of what i am doing. i'm leaving boston. i'm going. away. this isn't a vacation... i won't be living here anymore.

i guess this is the feeling most kids have when they leave home for the first time. the nervous, sad feeling to be leaving the only thing they've ever known.

i know what you're thinking. i didn't grow up here and on the contrary i have lived thousands of miles away for most of my life. but boston HAS been the place i grew up. the place i love to call home. the place that fits me like a glove. and leaving it is going to be so hard.

with a few boxes already packed and some things already junked, my room is already beginning to feel bare. to most of you, it probably wouldn't look any different, but to me the effects of the 'things' going away is already starting to tug at my heart strings.

ahhh boston, don't worry... i will come back as soon as i can. i won't be gone for long!

OH THE PLACES SHE'LL GO!

once upon a time, in the land called the bean
lived the happiest girl that you ever had seen
she was bright, she was fun
she had talents galore
but deep in her heart she knew there was more

time passed by oh so quick, as quick as a hare
and before she knew it, her "sparkle" cupboards were bare
she felt down, she moped on
the confusion pressed down
in her usual way, she had to fight down each frown

slowly the answers came from above
small spurts of knowledge sent with much love
she ignored, she rebelled
tried sweeping under the bed
but those answers kept poking inside of her head

with tears and trepidation a prayer was said with closed eyes
and made the choice to follow what she knew she'd despise
she weeped, she wailed
she gnashed all of her teeth
when the decision was final, she felt oh so much peace

as much as she fought it she knew it was right
she would pack all her things and and bid boston goodnight
she told family and friends
the hardest words to be told
she told her job, made it official- it was really quite bold

"where are you going?" they all asked in much shock
"why would leave our cozy little flock"
she winced, she smiled
"because i know it's alright
though i have no clue what's ahead, what's in sight"

children's production has always been in my dreams
in L.A. there are so many more chances it seems
she trusts and she hopes
that what's in store is more rich
than the things she'd have chosen for her life and her sitch

so in september boston will bid goodbye
until this chapter in her life no longer has a 'why'
she persists, she fights on
she'll go wherever it takes
to see what the Lord has in store for her life, what He makes

don't worry about this crazy little girl
she may be sad that her life, once again is a whirl
but she's still smiles and sparkles
and will win in the end
because she listened to promptings of her trusted, true friend

I CHOOSE TO BE A TIGGER

TAKE A MEETING

when you wanna get anywhere... you have to reach out.

so tomorrow, i'm reaching.

i'm taking a meeting with a friend of a friend.

somehow, someway, somewhere this has to help things progress.

i'll let you know how it goes.

yes i am still being pretty cryptic so as not to accidentally say things that could stand in my way.

but i figure for the 2 people that read this blog, you'll probably already know what's going on with me anyway and won't need to ask.

POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

i had a friend in town this past weekend. on our way to church, in his pimped out caddy rental i told him we would probably have to park far away because we were a bit late... he scoffed and told me that we were going to get really close parking because he had decided it. i totally made fun of him for this and he talked my ear off about how good things will happen to those that believe it. then he turned into the "horse-shoe" (the circular street right outside the church, where there is almost ALWAYS no parking for us late-comers). i was floored when, right in the front of the door to the chapel was a HUGE parking space- with plenty of space for our mother-load of a car.

point taken.

i have been thinking about this a lot and realized something about myself. when i was younger, the world nor anyone that would dare to try could not stop me from being who i wanted to be. i was empowered by my positive thoughts- and good things did come my way- mostly because i decided they would be that way.

then life happened. disappointments happened. people and things let me down and somewhere along the way i became good friends with the cynic monster. not always believing in the good things... not always expecting things to go right-- on the contrary-- knowing they would go wrong... because that's what happens in my world. being the fulfiller of my own negative prophecies of failure.

i have decided it's time to bring back the old peggy that had all the confidence in the world to become anything she wants to be... that has the drive to make it all happen and can use the knowledge gained over those hard years to make the better decisions and focus on the "open parking spot." no more poo pooing my plans- no more second guessing myself- no more negativity!

dude i am so ready for my prime parking spot- i've waited so long for this... it's my turn!

A Little Help From My Friends

i had dinner tonight with a friend of mine who is a very well-known individual. although she has been in the national and international spotlight before, she is the most genuine, kind person you'd meet.

this friend has been so very ready to be a cheerleader for me as i embark on my crazy journey to reach my goals. i can't tell you how grateful i am for her support.

one of the last things she said to me before i left her house was:

"peggy, i can just tell that you will be great at this... you can just tell that you have something in your life that you need to do... it's just such a strong feeling. there's something you were meant to do."

as she said this i was reminded of several blessings i have been given over the past two years of my life. the feeling struck me again and i felt this strange sort of power- like what i am trying to accomplish is actually a reality for me... it's within my grasp... it's real.

is it even possible to be afraid that the things you've always hoped for will actually come true? why would i be afraid of that?

but dudes- i AM going to make this happen. just wait and see.

AHHHH MAN!!!

did i tell you guys that i turned down an offer to work as a PA on the new sandra bullock movie that's being made here? i know you are all screaming at me.

a) i had to say no-- when i commit to something, i commit-- and since i love my boss and because i had already told him i would work through this season i had to say it... just had to.

b) believe me it hurt my heart to do it-- but hopefully because i was faithful to my commitments, i will be blessed with other such opportunities!

c) yes after the drama at my work over the past few weeks i AM kicking myself hard for being a stupid loyal-head!!!

Could Be... Who Knows

there's something due, any day
i will know right away
soon as it shows

it may come cannonballing right through the sky
gleam in its eye
bright as a rose
who knows
+++

not to be cryptic... well okay... yes to be cryptic for the sake of keeping things on the DL for a while-- i will say the following statement and leave it at that.

being burnt has finally led me to the fire under my butt that is urging me forward. i now have the quickness in my step and the confidence that i have needed all along. so change is on its way and all of my lovely blog-land friends will know what that is soon... hopefully sooner rather than later.

MOOOOOOO-VIE

calling all people!!! come stand in line and wait three hours to get your picture taken! yes, that's right! you too can be herded with the rest of the live-stock in a line as long as japan, be poked and prodded to the "big room" where you finally get to sit down, wait a little longer in your seat, get your picture taken and then told to leave! branding will occur only if you are actually chosen to be a professional cow for this movie.

+ totally fun. totally worth it. my new roomie mindy did it with me... good times. good memories.

+ there are some serious professional cattle-call people out there, who came prepared with stools to sit on, books to read and food to eat. dude, i am so not aware of how this is supposed to work!

+ the movie peeps are looking for girls with natural-looking hair, no highlights. blondes especially... umm... that's me! one of the only blondes standing in line, that i could see anyway.

+ met some cool people that are soon to be facebook friends.

+ the NYC casting people were all really really nice. surprising. they even extending the call by two hours because of the number of people in line... i actually like to think that they were holding out for me!

+ martin... i mean mr. scorsese... here i come. you will be so happy that the casting people picked me (if they do pick me, that is) that when i am there, standing next to leo in the shot, you will say "WOW YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING EXTRA I HAVE EVER WORKED WITH" and i will get a smug look on my face and say "yeah i know!"

dear mr. scorsese,

i am writing to let you know that i am auditioning for your next movie, to be filmed here in the bean and i would like to ask you, if it would be okay if you were to let me be in it.

i am an actress. i like to act. i have acted ever since i was little. i would like to be in your movie because i think you are neat!

so on saturday, when i come, would you please tell your casting director that they should cast me in the same scene that leonardo is in so i can brag to all my friends that i was in a movie with him? oh, and also cause i could really use the money.

i hope you are well and that you are excited to make your next movie.

sincerely,
peggy

Ummmm Yeah.

not much to say these days

still starving.

still poor.

still trying to get myself out there.

had an uxepected interview in CA.

working on a secret audition that i may or may not talk about in the near future.

word to your mom.

Makin' Crap Up!

it's everyone's favorite time of year, and everyone's favorite diva's of comedy are up to their old antics again!

http://maryjoanna.blogspot.com/2007/11/its-coming.html

I NEED MY FRHITNEY

okay so here i go again-- two more auditions in the next two weeks.

Audition #1- Chess at Turtle Lane Playhouse
Audition #2- Summer Season at the Publick Outdoor Theater

lately, i have been thinking about my good luck charm-- my sister whitney (or FRHITNEY as i call her). when i was younger and doing theater, frhit would always accompany me to my auditions- and i have always said that it was because of her that i made every show i auditioned for.

so here i am- all the way out in lonely boston, far far away from my cripply and i haven't made a single show! okay i have only auditioned for 3 so far, but even still- if fhritney had been there i would have made all 3-- i just know it!

so i have had to learn the art of rejection- learn how to pick my own self up, dust off my very own britches and get right back out there. so here i go!

i still wish frhitney were here though!

WHEELOCK I SING YOUR PRAISE

so i am sitting here in the midst of chaos and confusion- we have a 7:30 pm performance tonight- and i am looking all around at the various people that walk through my door. the big cheese, my boss, friendly kay, jane, wss (plural), tech guy, ed director, occasionally the dog named haas, stage manager, maintenance man... they all are filled with their wonderful selves and it makes me smile- getting to know them.

i am lucky to be loved, supported and cared for in this wonderful "family" environment.

not only do they put on amazing theater- which all of you in the area HAVE to come and see "to kill a mockingbird" but they are truly amazing people in and of themselves... and you don't always find that in this biz.

so cheers to you my wheelock family.

NOT GONNA DO IT

so i didn't make peter pan! let's have a moment of silence for my loss.



okay, we're done now.


but can i just say that this news, albeit expected, was poorly timed. it was the first news of the day on the start of a very ornery day.

so this news traveled right past "it's okay" station right into the land of "i suck and don't have any talent" in my brain. i know, i know... i'm being too hard on myself and truly, as i have stated before, rejection is all part of the game... but many rejections in a row stinks! end of story. and i am aching to get on the stage again. it's been 4 years! it's time! hey universe listen up-- it's time to start pouring out the sunshine-- too many cloudy days! boo hiss!

okay so clearly i'm poopy pants today and will go to bed shortly.

The Callback

so you've made it this far. people are asking you about the audition and you've told them you made callbacks. their eyebrows raise- impressed and intrigued.

now what do you do? the first audition, in your mind, was a bust. so are you ready... can you get over that whole incident to move forward or are you going to let it throw you?

so jane wants you to read something totally different than the scene you've been studying all weekend- no biggie right? you just go in there and act your heart out. so what that jane seems to be in a grumpy mood today... you march right up on that stage and show them who's diva.

Excuse me???

i'm sorry jane, did i hear you right?
oh, that's what i thought you said.
but how in the world could you have thought that i had a good audition- i forgot all my lines and my song wasn't so hot?
that's so nice
oh, i know you aren't the kind of person to say nice things to people just to be nice... but i just well... i guess i needed to hear that... i just didn't want to look unprepared.
oh... thank you for saying that i am talented... i was beginning to wonder {smile} and you promise i didn't look unprepared.
{sigh of relief}
thanks jane.

ONE WEEK LATER...

oh i'm sorry jane, what was that? {putting the receiver back on the phone}
i'm sorry, having trouble with my hearing since this head cold is raging... i thought you said you wanted to call me back to read for the part of the Older Wendy...
oh you DID say that {flushed}
sure i can make the audition on monday october 29 and i will be prepared to tap dance and juggle penguins if you need me to!
oh, you didn't think that was funny, sorry.
well, yes... thank you jane

{to myself} were we really at the same audition???
who cares- I GOT A CALLBACK!!! YIPPEEE!

MAYDAY MAYDAY!

okay so i pretty much just bombed this audition and i am so disappointed.

no, it really was that bad. don't fool yourselves into thinking that i am just being too hard on myself... no reality speaks for itself here... i just plain stunk!

it goes something like this--

my dearest friend and came to pick me up, and was about 15 minutes behind schedule... so i start panicking. nevertheless we get to the theater right on the 9pm dot. okay nothing to worry about. i walk through the doors and see my friend sandy who is one of the stage managers and is manning the audition table- sigh of relief and relax a little. sit down, wait my turn and on we go!

as i walk in i am greeted by jane- rather warmly too, considering the events of my previous post- and as i walk toward the stage, i notice that the previously unnamed director is a friend of mine as well- he and i have been teachers at wheelock together for the past two years... okay this is going to be just fine.

i hand my music to the piano-dude and then take my place front and center to give them all i've got. the piano player gives me the chord and off we go...

wait! what did i just do there? ew that sounded awful and i just cracked... oh crap what am i doing? okay... it's okay keep going... but this sounds so brassy and you aren't supporting it!!! what about your phrasing... shoot i'm almost done and my big finish? no! that didn't come out right at all! okay... shoot now what am i doing? oh that's right- the monologue... deep breath- focus... "so when i was in... {pause} ... well when i was younger... {pause} ... 8" HOLY CRAP what am i saying? that isn't right at all and now where am i??? "the stage-hands... would replace them... and then the crocodile... you know the one that {pause} " shoot what does the crocodile do again... who does he chase? "that chases captain hook" yeah that guy... "well he wasn't real... WAS real and falls off the stage crushing several children in the front row..." OH SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THIS HORRID MESS!!! now where am i? crap i need to say something about wendy- she gets fatter- crap!!! "... she was immobile and had to be taken off with a cart..." am i done yet? can i just be done... {pause} just finish peggy... there's nowhere else to go and you can't find where you are supposed to be... just call it done. "and that is all i have, thank you for your time." {sheepish side glance at the director and jane as i make my way over to the piano to collect my sheet music}

and this is what it looks like when one self-destructs in the middle of an audition!

to be honest i have no idea what got me so off, i just know that i was so NOT focused and looked completely ridiculous and the fact that i was aware of how ridiculous threw me off even more and i was never able to recover.

so here's what's so hard about this experience. unbelievably it's not that an audition like that will probably result in a rejection- i've had those before- and even if i had done wonderfully tonight, i still may be rejected. rejection is just part of this game. really and truly, i am embarrassed about the way i looked to my co-workers and peers today. i know i shouldn't feel like i have to prove myself, but the thing is that i do.

tonight i looked like i was unprepared and one who only fancies themselves an actor. had they seen my work before or at least seen me audition better, they could just chalk this horrid audition up to a bad day or something-- but the fear is that they see a mediocre talent and don't see much potential.

or maybe this is just the fear that lives inside my brain and i am assuming that they see it too- dudes i just need to go to bed and forget all about this little nightmare and pray with all of my heart that when i see jane on tuesday that we just pretend this whole thing never happened.